Well the time has come to start actually counting down the days. We have just about 80+ days left til he deploys, as Sean so lovingly reminded me last night. (Which of course, was not that nice of him!)
So now the crunch begins. Make sure all your paperwork is in order, Wills, Power of Attorney...etc. If you don't have one already, make sure you get the paperwork started for your passport, because GOD FORBID, something happens you need to be able to join him in Germany if he gets injured. Make sure all your important documents for insurance and car loans, mortgage and bank accounts are in one spot and easily accessible should you need them.
It is finally sinking in that he is leaving soon. I laid in bed the other night and it finally hit me. I am going to be a single mother again for 12 months. WOW! This was the first time that I think I actually let myself think about it. HE IS LEAVING IN 80+ DAYS! CRAP! What am I going to do with myself?
I know that the Family Readiness Group (FRG) will take up alot of my time, so will work and of course the kids; but what do I do when I am sitting alone in bed at night wishing I could talk to him about my day? UGH Those are the moments that I hate. When the day is done, the kids are in bed, and it is just ME.
It's that time when I wish that I could talk to him, tell him how my day went. Even now when he is home, I find it hard to talk to him about the things that are bothering me in my daily grind. He is so busy trying to get everything done that he needs to before he deploys that I don't want to burden him with my problems. They seem so trivial compared to what he is going through.
I cherish the times that I have him home with me to share our bed, I know soon there will be an empty pillow next to me. I lie awake at night sometimes just watching him sleep, because it is that small pleasure of him sleeping so peacefully next to me that I will miss for the next year.
I don't complain about how dirty his uniform is, because for a year I won't have a uniform to wash.
I don't complain when he leaves his socks on the floor instead of putting them in the basket, because soon his socks will all be neatly put away in the drawer collecting dust along with the rest of his clothes.
I don't complain when he leaves dirty dishes in the sink, because it is just one more thing that I will miss once he is gone.
I cherish every passing moment we are together knowing soon the only contact we will have will be scattered phone calls & a few emails. Soon we will say our goodbye and for a year my heart will ache for my best friend, my partner and my love.
I WILL make it through.
I WILL remain strong for my family.
But at night when the world is asleep - I will pray that he is ok. I will pray he comes home safe. I will pray that God watches over him and all the other soldiers that he serves with and brings them all home to those who wait.
